When I was a little girl I wanted to be a writer. My favorite books were the Anne Of Green Gables series. I was adopted as a young child and I imagined that somewhere I was important to someone too. I was not particularly close to my adoptive family growing up and neither was I close to my biological family after meeting them again as a teenager.
I moved around a lot during most of my life after I left home at sixteen, well, thirteen if you include going to live with relatives. They say that if you have a problem with everyone then it is not everyone who has a problem but the problem is within yourself. I was depressed right up until a couple of years ago when I began my recovery process.
A few weeks ago I was watching some sad romantic movies and I was starting to feel low. I thought, what am I doing? I am doing this to myself. I am causing myself to feel sad by watching these movies! About a month earlier I had been listening to my music playlists and I noticed that many of the songs were about lost love or some other sad thing. I realized that I have been feeding myself all this. Yes, I had a rough life, majorly caused by my own grief. The rest happened but why did it have to have such a long-lasting impact? I decided to make a change. I created a new playlist, Lisa's New Fun Happy List on YouTube, and even knowing that is what the name of it is makes me feel better.
I do not know for how long I kept seeing a picture of this one guy that used to torment me when I was a teenager on Social Media. One day, I noticed how much this bugged me, seeing his picture so I blocked him. Instantly, I wondered why I had done this and unblocked him. I looked at some of his pictures. He looked physically healthy and happy. I see that he is a Dad. I considered what kind of a guy he was and how the saying goes about a tiger not changing their stripes. I wondered if I could forgive him and I discovered that I could and I did. I had been holding this for so long that it was a natural part of who I am. This bullying had happened so long ago. I had finally let it go.
Now that I am a woman, I want to write and I do. I wrote my favorite books. I am important to someone.