I have to write, exercise, clean, practice and take care of people. Snow still on the ground at the end of March? I can't even worry. For once in my life, I am positively preoccupied to the extent that I am escaping negativity.
One might say, "What about your books? Aren't they a rehash of your life in which you wanted to die when you were thirteen? That seems negative!" I don't focus on that part. In the beginning of my healing this time, there was a lot of negativity.
When I was first coming out of that part of my life, I found that there was negativity tied to other negativity. Let me describe this with an example:
I had been trying to quit drinking and smoking and take care of my health, although I struggled for a long time, I started going to the dentist before I quit drinking completely. Because I didn't have all my proper identifications at the time, my choice was limited. I went to a dentist who would call in my information to get other needed information. Not every dentist will do this.
The dentist office was kind of the type of service or place I was accustomed to, an overlap of my previous life. Reading into it later, opinions were likely made about me because of the bad state of my dental health after years of abuse and neglect. I believe they took advantage of me, doing work and taking x-rays that did not need to be done. I once went there for a cleaning that did not include any water.
I received my referral for a specialist from that dentist office. Now don't get me wrong, it is not all these people who are negative in and of themselves. I believe that it was a perfect storm, including myself and my dynamics.
I am not going to mention much about my experience with the specialistist. I had found no choice that ended well, except to agree to end it off. I surmised that perhaps sometimes it is better to make a clean break before things get worse.
The connection between the dentist and the specialist and my overall experience with them both was tedious. If I had been a teenager, or a younger, more beautiful woman, I am certain my treatment would have gone differently. Certainly my race was a factor in my experience at both places.
Enough about that! The point is that I had been living a certain way and there were negative after effects. Not only in the bit of story I have told you here but in every aspect of my life. I was on a path of negativity and destruction before and when I ceased my own negative and destructive behaviour, my path did not immediately reflect the changeover.
I have daily tasks and exercises that I must do most of the time that helps to ensure the continued positivity of my journey. Other than that, I have faith that my actions and behaviours of today will assist in bringing the right people, places and circumstances into my life tomorrow.
Since you are here,
Lisa L'Heureux is the author of 7 books. Her work includes the Lisa's Sober Blog Series, This and the Man in the Moon and This One is About Domestic Violence. She lives in Alberta with her family.
4+ years ago, Lisa took a life-giving "retirement", quitting practicing alcoholism.